


Anxious thoughts and Racing Minds

by talinatera



Series: Adventures through Detroit [2]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety, Connor Deserves Happiness, Cussing, Depression, Gavin Reed Being Less of an Asshole, Self-Hatred, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-24 23:22:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20022706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talinatera/pseuds/talinatera
Summary: He frowned as his thoughts kicked back up. Useless. That's all he was without Cyberlife. He was useless without Cyberlife and a murderer with Cyberlife. How could anyone care for him? He was the definition of awful. Lousy, rotten, terrible, dreadful... All were accurate words for what he was. He was manipulate, and a killer. He had the blood of innocents on his hands- and not just the ones he'd taken personally. If he had been able to figure out the deviancy case faster, or if he had gone deviant sooner he might have been able to save more of the androids that had been sent to be decommissioned towards the end. All of those pointless deaths... because he hadn't been able to figure anything out fast enough. And yet now he was going crazy because he didn't have a case that required enough from him.What was wrong with him?A hand slammed down on his desk and actually made him jump as he looked up into the face of Reed. "Yo!" The detective yelled, his face seeming to be mixed between pissed off and... concerned? No- no that had to be a malfunction. Reed hated him.





	Anxious thoughts and Racing Minds

**Author's Note:**

> A little short story set before 'Undercover Fun' It should be noted though, you do not have to have read the other fics to enjoy this one.  
> I've actually had this sitting on my laptop since Christmas time but forgot to post it. So here it is!  
> As always I claim to own nothing but the idea.

Connor sat at his desk, fingers tapping against it, slowly getting faster and faster as his LED blinked a rapid red. Everyone had gone home, Hank had left early because of an upset stomach but had insisted that Connor not fret over him. So Connor had stayed at the office and worked on paper work. After about an hour or so he finished his paperwork, and so after only a moment of hesitation, had moved onto Hanks. He needed to do something, anything to keep his mind occupied. Slowly the station had emptied of all human life and Connor had been left alone, only the lamp on his desk being any real form of light source in the almost dark building.

He frowned as his thoughts continued to run faster then he thought they should be able to. There had been no big cases... Nothing that had been a real challenge to him since joining the force, and he felt as if he were short circuiting. He felt as if he could be doing more, that he needed to be doing more, but there was nothing for him to actually do more of. There were no big cases going on at the present. Everything was simple, open and closed in a couple days tops. He took the coin from his pocket and started to flip it through his fingers as his eyes flicked around the empty office space.

He needed to do something, he needed something to distract him. To engage his brain. He had one of the top processor's that had ever been released and he was slowly dying inside from not being able to do anything with it. How Cyberlife thought that his series would be able to be assigned to one station for its entire life eluded his understanding. How could they have ever thought that an RK800 would be able to stay still and not constantly be working on big cases? Maybe it was something they would have worked out with time. Found a way to keep things engaging for their machine... then again he would have just been a machine and so wouldn't have worried about working his processor... He made a frustrated noise and stood up from the desk. The feeling had been something that had been growing for the last two months. So it wasn't as if it had appeared out of no where... He had just hoped he'd find enough of something to do to fix the problem, before it became too much of a problem.

He started to pace around the office, walking the outer perimeter around the desks, the coin still weaving through his fingers. That fix he had hoped for though, never happened. A case had never popped up that really required much from him. Though he knew that should be a good thing, it was slowly eating him up on the inside. Maybe he should have stayed with Nine and Markus in New Jericho. At least there they had problems they were trying to figure out everyday. Maybe Nine'd had the right idea with staying there with their people. Around others who would at least understand a little more what it was that was worrying him so badly.

As it was though, he was useless. Worthless. A program with a pointless function.

He walked to the break room and stepped up to the coffee maker and just stared at it. The humans often would make a cup when they felt overwhelmed or tired. Or just as an excuse to stretch their legs. What he would give to be able to do that right then. Maybe it would help him focus or set aside the thoughts that were racing through his mind... Maybe New Jericho was working on a drink like coffee for androids. They had already been well on their way with the Thirium Alcohol... Of course it wouldn't be the same as the human's coffee... What he would give to become human and just be happy with what he was able to do... On the other hand though, in his darker thoughts... if he couldn't turn into a human he couldn't help but think what he would give to go back to being a machine. At least then he didn't have to worry when there was nothing for him to do. He could just stand there and not be worried about it. Not that he had ever really been a... still android. He couldn't think of a single time he had been able to just stand or sit still without moving, or twitching something.

Maybe this feeling of too much energy had always been a problem of his. Maybe he'd been broken from the beginning.

He closed his eyes and leaned against the counter as his brain wouldn't shut up. He just wanted it to be quiet, needed it to be silent for just a moment. He pulled his coin back out and started to flip it up into the air, the sound it made as he flicked it with his thumb soothing in it's own way. He should probably go home... Maybe Hank would still be awake and he could help him calm down, or at the very least offer a distraction. Or maybe he could walk Sumo. The dog didn't seem to care what time it was when a walk was being discussed.

The sound of the front door caught his attention and he quickly straightened and turned towards it, stuffing the coin back into his pocket as he scanned for the intruder. He didn't need the scan though when he heard detective Reed step into the room, cursing under his breath. He mentally groaned at who had come back. Reed was still not pleased that Connor had returned to the precinct and he felt they got into some kind of verbal fight everyday. He had wanted to become friends with the man, it was simply in his programming to get people to like him. But he had also seen the work Gavin did when he wasn't feeling threatened by an android. He was a good detective in his own right, and he hoped one day to get the chance to work with him and not be hostile with one another. Still though that did not help with the there and now of what to do about Reed.

Maybe if Connor stayed quiet the detective would simply leave and they could miss an altercation with one another.

"Fucking shit- way to go Gavin. Left the damn keys to your fucking house in your shit desk." The detective sounded aggravated and Connor tried to move into the corner of the break room so he couldn't be seen from Gavin's desk. As he moved though he clipped a coffee cup with his elbow and it dropped off the counter and made for the ground with surprising speed. Connor tried to grab it but just missed it and it shattered against the floor, the sound ripping through the silence like a gunshot. He winced as he heard Gavin shout in surprise. "Who's there?" The detective yelled and Connor heard his gun cock, readying to shoot who ever was there.

"It's just me detective." Connor said defeated as he crouched down to pick up the broken pieces of the mug. This was the last thing that he needed to deal with at the moment.

"Oh well, maybe I should still shoot you." Connor didn't even bother to give that an answer as he finished picking up the mess. "What're you doing here plastic? It's kind of late don't you think? Don't you gotta recharge your batteries or something?"

"I was finishing up paperwork." He replied as he tossed the broken mug into the trash. "I would inquire what you were doing here at this hour detective, but I heard you grumbling from the moment you stepped into the building."

Gavin scowled and finally put the gun away as he shook his head, "I'm not in the mood dipshit, so I'm just going to fucking ignore that comment."

“Fine with me.” He shook his head as he decided to do the same thing. "Good night Detective." He stepped past him and headed back for his desk. With Gavin showing back up, it meant that it was time to go before the detective got any ideas of what he would do while they were alone... The way Hank always talked of the man it sounded like he was the worst thing on this earth. He knew Hank could over exaggerate at times, but at the present moment he had no idea just how far the detective would go with no one around to keep him in line. He hadn't tried anything since the protests, but he couldn't just forget what had happened before them either...

But his mind was still craving something to do, and if he went back home right now, Hank would either demand an explanation or he'd go home to an even quieter house... He sat back down in his chair and connected to his terminal. Surely there was something he could try and figure out. Maybe something he could take home digitally so he could work on it in front of the television, with Sumo trying to get in his lap. He smiled sadly before he started to scan though the cold cases, going through each case, trying to find any evidence that someone might have missed, but that was the problem... there was only what ever had been collected from the original scene that he had to look at. He hadn't been at any of them to properly scan them for evidence that others may have missed.

He frowned as his thoughts kicked back up. Useless. That's all he was without Cyberlife. He was useless without Cyberlife and a murderer with Cyberlife. How could anyone care for him? He was the definition of awful. Lousy, rotten, terrible, dreadful... All were accurate words for what he was. He was manipulate, and a killer. He had the blood of innocents on his hands- and not just the ones he'd taken personally. If he had been able to figure out the deviancy case faster, or if he had gone deviant sooner he might have been able to save more of the androids that had been sent to be decommissioned towards the end. All of those pointless deaths... because he hadn't been able to figure anything out fast enough. And yet now he was going crazy because he didn't have a case that required enough from him.

What was wrong with him?

A hand slammed down on his desk and actually made him jump as he looked up into the face of Reed. "Yo!" The detective yelled, his face seeming to be mixed between pissed off and... concerned? No- no that had to be a malfunction. Reed hated him. "You can't possibly still be working on paperwork. Not with the speed you finish shit."

"I-" Connor faltered and closed his mouth again, not sure what to say.

"Speechless? And here I thought miracles were a thing of the past." Connor frowned and finally looked down to his hands that were sitting on the desk. "Hey-" Gavin frowned as he saw Connor's LED spinning red. He didn't know much about androids... or well in general he didn't know about androids but Connor... He had slowly been learning more and more about Connor the last two months or so. He hated himself for it, but he also couldn't seem to be able to stop noticing the android. Watching the way he interacted with the others at the station.

With that observing though, he knew that the light circle thing spinning red was a bad sign. And he just couldn't- he couldn't leave the most expensive person in the department to fix, to slowly break down or what ever the fuck was going on. And something seemed to seriously be going on with Connor at the moment. And so with the excuse of it being for financial reasons that he was staying for the android, and for no other reason, he tried to catch Connor's eyes. "Why don't you tell me why you're really here?" He asked, leaning against the table in front of Connor's desk.

"I told you-" he started as he looked back up to Reed.

"Yeah, I mean the truth dipshit."

Connor frowned and looked back down at the desk. "It is nothing you need to worry yourself with." He muttered under his breath as he tried to figure out how he would even explain what he was feeling to someone else. Or why Gavin Reed of all people was asking him about it. Maybe he thought it was something that he could use against him? Maybe he thought this was something like the evidence room again, and he was going to get something that could get him fired-

"Yeah well, for one night only I'm offering you the opportunity to indulge in my amazing people skills.” He said with a flourish of his hands, that had Connor looking back at the man. “They're a bit rusty though, so if you could humor me and stop beating around the bush?" He said, annoyance starting to sneak into his voice.

He ran a scan on Gavin trying to figure out how quickly this would go bad for him, but was a little surprised when all his readings finished, they seemed to support Gavin being genuine in his offer. Connor sighed as his brain skipped and his LED flickered between yellow and red. "I am finding myself... Lacking proper mental stimulation, which is causing my processors to run under the desired level of operation. Which in turn, causes my entire system to... malfunction."

"So what- you're bored? And because of that you're feeling... depressed?"

"Well no I'm-" a machine. But he wasn't, he was a deviant. He had broken through the wall and now had all these feelings to deal with. "I- I'm-" he frowned and shook his head slightly.

"Yeah, I would say what I said was right on the nose plastic." Gavin stuffed his hands into his pockets as he looked Connor up and down. The android looked so distressed by the whole thing. He almost felt sorry for him... no- no he did feel sorry for him. He was an android and didn't deserve for him to feel anything for him, because he was just an android... But damn if the thing made it hard to remember that... Fuck his life. "Come on stupid, up and moving."

"What?"

"You heard me, get your ass in gear. We're not staying here any longer."

"But-"

"Now you damn android. Fucking shit, try to do a nice thing and the thing spazzes out." He grumbled under his breath as he started out of the room. "Six months old, he's just a fucking kid." It almost sounded like he was trying to remind himself that.

Connor, seeing no other reasonable alternative to the situation grabbed his coat and scarf from his desk, before flipping his lamp off and hurried to catch up with the detective. "What are we doing detective?"

"We're going for a walk and seeing where we end up." Connor frowned a little bit but fell into step with Gavin as they stepped into the crisp evening air. They walked down the street, only the occasional car driving past disrupting the silence that fell between them. A faint flickering of yellow caught Gavin's attention and he frowned as he saw Connor's LED going crazy. “Hey- cool it down dipshit. Stop thinking so much.”

“Why are you walking with me detective?” Gavin scowled and stuffed his hands into his pockets, only to pull out a cigarette and light it up. “You know detective those aren't good for you.”

“Ah fuck off-” Gavin said around the cigarette in his mouth. “And you said you were thinking too much, thought a walk would help out.”

“Why though? All of our interactions up to this point-”

“Look don't look into it alright plastic? This doesn't mean I like you any better or that I think you're a person or what ever the fuck is going through your head.” He blew the smoke into the air with a sigh. “When a computer's overheating you gotta cool it down, and when a human's brain is thinking too much it's kinda like a computer overheating. So I figured going out into the cold might help you cool down and thus calm down.” He took another drag, face scowling again. “Or you know- what ever.”

Connor fell silent as he thought over what the man had said, his LED slowing down and turning blue once again. He hadn't thought the man would ever care about anything that happened to him... but even his social programming was picking up on this being a legitimate act of kindness from the detective. Even if the man in question tried to deny it. “Thank you.” He finally said after a few minutes of silence had passed between them.

“Don't mention it.” Gavin shot him a glare. “Really. Don't mention it to anyone, or I will make your life hell.”

“Is that not what you've been attempting to do already detective?”

“Well- I'll try harder.” Gavin grumbled and blew another puff of smoke into the air. “Or something. But whatever I do it'll make you regret talking about this.”

Connor smiled and his LED turned a soft blue as he looked the detective over. “Of course detective.” They continued on in silence, Gavin pulling out a new cigarette every time he finished one, and Connor observing the man beside him. He wasn't sure what had made the detective decide to help him, but this was a side he hadn't seen to Gavin before, and he was truly enjoying it. He wouldn't mind seeing more to this side of the man if he were being honest.

“Would yah stop fucking staring at me?” Gavin snapped. “It's weird.” Connor seemed a little embarrassed having been caught and quickly looked forward. “So- you stay at the station late often?”

“Not at first...”

“But more often as time's passed?”

“...yes.” He admitted, somehow the admission making his chest feel lighter. “It- I feel as though my core processor is not being used to it's fullest capacity and it is... driving my insane.”

Gavin snorted and shook his head. “Yeah well, welcome to life dipshit.” He looked over at the android. “You're experiencing a slow part of life, where nothing seems to be happening and you feel as though you're running into a brick wall with no end in sight.”

“Sort of, yes.”

The detective shrugged. “Yeah well- the good news is, at least in my experience, eventuality it'll get crazy again and this'll go away with time. At least that's what happens with humans, most of the time. I dunno about androids.” Connor's LED flickered yellow and Gavin sighed. “But- since you're part of the DPD I'm sure something's going to come in to make you feel... productive again. Just enjoy the down time while you have it, as an officer or a detective, it doesn't come around often. So relax and stop worrying about not working to your fullest capacity. Trust me everyone knows you work hard. You're the golden boy of the department. You're in no danger of losing your job, or even anyone yelling at you about your job.”

“Detective-”

“And here we are.” Gavin cut him off and waved to the building in front of them. Or rather the house.

“How did you-”

“Please, don't insult me. Now get your ass in there and watch some tv or something. That's what a human would do.”

Connor smiled and nodded his head. “Thank you detective.”

“Yeah sure, what ever.” He lit up another cigarette. “But plastic- I'm serious. Don't you go talking about this to anyone.”

“Of course detective.” Connor replied with a serious expression on his face.

“Good. I'll see you in the morning.”

“See you in the morning detective.” Gavin gave a little wave of his hand before he walked off down the street. Connor watched until he was out of sight and smiled as he suddenly realized that his thoughts had indeed slowed down and he was no longer worrying about what he could be doing, or what he was not doing. Maybe a walk with someone else, a talk with someone who was offering to just listen, was all that he'd needed... He wondered if it was something the detective would be willing to do again... With that thought he slipped into the house where he found Hank passed out on the couch with Sumo in his lap. Home.

The next day found the android and the detective at each others throats once again, but Connor's view of the detective had changed and his side of the relationship was no longer antagonistic, but bordering more along banter, and there were some days he was positive that the detective was feeling that as well. Perhaps with time, the two of them just might be able to work together without fighting.


End file.
